CirclemeChaotic4

My what a wait you have gone through. A lesson in trying and forgetting about embarrassment. You let loose and it all falls into place, and both sides are then satisfied.

He and I are such similiars.

I can't even come to means to what I can speak of him, it's all just jumbled l at this point. Just know that he knows that we should be......us

Posted in Chaz

This boy, the apple of my eye, the ketchup to my french fries, how I adore thee. It was strange that we finally became back onto a communicating plane.

I missed him, and it's funny because he just told me that he only got a girlfriend because I told him to. He first thought I was kidding but after a week of my urging began to belive I was serious.

Why must I say things that I really don't mean? What is that? Is it because I want him to be happy and I'm not sure he could be happy with me? No, proposterous, that couldn't be it, because I know damn well that he could be. Why do I put such a low downer on myself and think that I'm not worth it...It can't be low self-esteem.....right......?

5 days ago, I was talking to him and Jeffrey(funny fellow, our new threesome partner), but I had to go because with this grounding I have to read for 30 minutes each day so I told them I had to go and then right after he texted me, because we had been talking about a lot of things, and a lot of things that we had said to eachother, and how of course he totally wants to bone me. And he texted me, something I'll never forget, as long as I stay in love with him, My feelings for you haven't changed......

The next day we were on like a 4 way with me, him, Jeff, and Ashley and it was so amusing. I haven't laughed like that in such a long time. But after it began getting late everyone got off the phone and it was just me and him. Like old times, talking into the the night, trying not to be too loud. Reminiscing about old times.

"Monique is enough. Only enough? No, she's more than enough"

He said he would be very upset if I got a boyfriend, that he would be grumpy, for obvious reasons, and that he would have to stop talking to me for about a month....

If only we could stay in those lingering moments of him and I...

I'll cherish them... until I can have him

Posted in Chaz

Well I haven't mentioned that Kari Butler, committed suicide on April 11, 2008. It was one of the most heartbreaking things to happen, I was stunned to disbelief, especially with the fact that she did it over a boy. WHY over a boy? Boy's will always be around gees.

I had more but now I'm tired and not really in the mood to continue this journal

I was talking to Ridge last night, and he was playing a trick on me trying to say that him and Alie broke up which they didn't and I already knew that they hadn't. They have no reason to.

But he said he had been in an "emo" mood all day, and that when he got home he went and lyed down and thought of his existence.

He asked me one of the most disturbing things anyone had ever asked me.

He asked if he would wake up in the morning.

I began to cry, I could never think of him dying, though I know it happens to us all, but wow, it really scared me.

I wonder why I went off on her last night. It's not even a big deal. People get involved with people all the time and don't tell anyone, why did I get so mad?

I've never done anything like that before. This friendship has been tested so many times, when is it enough? Is it really just supposed to be over?

I know Charrisa's output and Ridge told me I should just get over it, but what am I, Monique, supposed to do? Why must I make decisions off of everyone else when it affects me, and not them...

When will I learn to do and think for myself?

And what am I supposed to do about this confrontation?

Posted in Friends